The Lighter Side Of "GTA": 5 Family Friendly Activities In Los Santos

The “Grand Theft Auto” franchise is all about guilty pleasures. From the strip club jump-offs to the drive-by shootings and all the chaos in between, it’s definitely not a game you should play with your “family.”

However, for you GTA V addicts who can’t decide between spending time with your loved ones and wasting time decimating random digital strangers in San Andreas, your prayers have been answered. Allow me to introduce you to a way of incorporating your real-life loved ones into your online passion. With the right attitude and positive perception, GTA Online can be as harmless as a game of “Minecraft,” and no more adventurous than a field trip to Disneyland.

It’s easy to get caught up in the mindless excitement of carjacking and assaulting innocent motorists, but why not head down to the beach for a day of outdoor fun instead? You can begin with a relaxing taxi trip to the pier where the ferris wheels and carnival atmosphere await you. After that, you and your friends can go for a stroll and people-watch on the boardwalk or jog along Vespucci Beach, gently kicking sand in sunbathers’ faces. It would be perfect if there were actual restaurants to eat in, be let’s keep it real; that would be pretty boring.

If you don’t mind getting wet, you can take a dive into the salty suds and — if you dare — venture out into the wild blue ocean in search of wildlife. You may even find a hidden treasure or two while you’re down there. Just don’t forget to come up for air or you may die.

If the beach isn’t your thing, call up a taxi (or your drive your legally purchased vehicle) and head out to the hillside for a breathtaking hike through the trails of Tataviam Mountains, where boundless animals roam free and the scenery makes you wish the screen didn’t get all misty when you press the “Pause” button. In fact, you can go online (through your iFruit), purchase a mountain bike, and traverse the all-terrain mounds on two wheels. Be sure to slow down occasionally or you won’t be able to smell the roses, fresh feces, and animal carcasses that line your rocky path.

Notice that you haven’t killed anyone, visited a strip club, or used any types of drugs, yet. If this isn’t “family fun,” I don’t know what is.

In case swimming and hiking becomes a bit mundane — because it really is — then head over to one of Los Santos’ many tennis courts or golf courses. You can challenge a friend to a game of either and show them a thing or two about losing gracefully, assuming you have the skills to pay the bills. If you’re a fan of either activity, it’s easy to mill away countless hours swinging your stick as balls fly at your face. No pun intended. In future “Grand Theft Autos,” I hope the sports activities expand to basketball and soccer. Why? Because why not?

As the eventful, violence-free day winds down, there are still plenty of non-troublesome, wholesome activities that you and your teammates can engage in such as hitting a movie and chillaxing while some ridiculous film plays on the big screen. That’ll afford you enough time to re-up on snacks and make a trip to the restroom. For the financially endowed, there are tons of clothing shops strewn about San Andreas, and nothing tops off a long, fun-filled day like buying useless articles of unnecessary haberdashery. Not only can you shop for clothes, you can also hit the local tattoo parlors and get some ink to up your street cred or find a trustworthy barber/hairdresser to give you that new look you’ve been thinking about.

At the end of the day, when it’s all said and done and night time is finally here, head over to your furnished apartment, wash the day off of yourself with a shower, hop on your iPhone, and invite your friends to come over and enjoy some television. If you’re concerned that this could get violent, fret not. There are no guns allowed inside places of residence.