4 Positive Spins Lauryn Hill Can Put On Her Prison Time
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I think it’s safe to say that celebrities and paying taxes don’t go together. Like diets and medical marijuana. The saying, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems” has been getting a lot of reinforcement in Hollywood and the music biz lately, and everybody’s favorite songbird – Lauryn Hill – is no exception. Ms. Hill paid the government almost a million bucks but is still scheduled to serve three months in federal prison for failing to pay taxes for three years.
If her music is any indication of her inner strength, Lauryn Hill will get through this like all of the other obstacles she’s withstood over the years. And if she has any doubt about those three months, he are four positive spins Lauryn Hill can put on her prison time.
Reconnect With Her Inner-Rapper
You ever watch “Lockup?” If not, it’s a show that opens up the secretive, somewhat savage world of incarceration to the general public. It gives a glimpse of life behind “the wall” that most people don’t get to or don’t care to see. No matter the distinction, it’s a gritty, grimy place. The perfect environment for rap music to breed like wild rabbits in the forest. While lady prisons are totally different from the male ones, I’ve no doubt that hundreds of female rappers will be accosting Ms. Hill daily, soliciting her musical opinion or requesting her rap game hook-ups. This should, at some point, make L-Boogie want to bring her pen out of retirement, hit the studio when she gets out, and address some people personally. Never forget that Lauryn Hill was ripping mics long before she started pooping out babies and acting crazy.
Get Back In Shape For Free
Most people are too busy or too lazy to diet go to the gym. Sure, there are those who actually go and work out and eventually see results, but those are few and far between. Others either use food poisoning, stress, the flu, or other fat-burning sicknesses as a means of weight regulation. Well, Lauryn doesn’t have to wait for that. She doesn’t have to worry about pesky membership fees or burning gas to get there, either. Not only are the work-out facilities free and her schedule open, but I imagine other inmates will be cheering her on like Rocky running through Philadelphia. I just hope she doesn’t come home looking like Ja Rule, because that may affect her career more than this tax bill has already.
Rediscover Her Femininity
Every dude around his mid-to-late 30’s had a crush on Lauryn Hill at some point, even if it only lasted for a few scant moments. She was a pretty face, with a little struggle around the edges, and a voice that couldn’t be denied. Remember this picture? At some point, though, she lost sight of all the little things that made her a cutie pie and began dressing like a Time Traveler. These days, I’m not sure what she’s thinking as far as appearances go, but being surrounded by hard-nosed prisoners who couldn’t care less about lip gloss and eye shadow should be just the alarm clock she needs to get it together.
Quality Time With Mary J. Blige(?)
Let’s assume that Mary J. Blige will be in the same facility as Ms. Hill. A chance meeting on “The Yard” or in the recreation room and the R&B landscape could quite possibly be rearranged forever by a joint-album from these two vocal giants. Take a moment to think about the soulful, sultry pain that is undoubtedly swelling in the bosom of both these soon-to-be jumpsuit-covered vixens. The young starlets of tomorrow like Rihanna, Keyshia Cole, and Miguel know nothing of the agony of owing Uncle Sam thousands – or millions – of unpaid bucks. That pain could give birth some of their most creative works to date. I wouldn’t be surprised if they held daily lunch room seminars on how to get over a man and what to do with a broken heart, as well…
If Lauryn uses this time as the “vacation” that some of my rougher friends say it is, she should emerge with a new lease on life – entertainment wise – and a new agenda to match. But, if she allows the misery of captivity to drag her further down, this may be the end of her tumultuous career. Either way, good luck, ma’am.
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